is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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