Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
