Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
