I think my fart just growled at me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
