I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
