How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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