Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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