Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
