Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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