I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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