fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you never un-have a 4some
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
