I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
