Porn is love you can see.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
