Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
