We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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