girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
