i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
