it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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