I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
