No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
