OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
