I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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