You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
