you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
