i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
