Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
