literally had 100 drinks last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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