my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
