You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
