You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
