if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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