Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
