Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
