we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
