The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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