I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize