Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is the high leading the old right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
