It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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