Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
