So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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