You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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