well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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