I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
