we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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