My liver just broke up with me...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
