Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
