for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
