dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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