so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
