I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
