you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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