uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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