Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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