you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
