I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
