The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
