If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
