My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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