You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
