I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
