I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
