how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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