His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
