I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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