is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
