i think my tv is drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
