Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(314): View more from Missouri

just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

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(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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(443): View more from Maryland

do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?

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(418): View more from Quebec

You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

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(410): View more from Maryland

it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral

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(352): View more from Florida

he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

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(415): View more from California

I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.

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(636): View more from Missouri

They're giving you narcotics aren't they?

(1-636): View more from Missouri

If I offered to share would you come visit me?

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