i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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