shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
