Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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