Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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