Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
