Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize