Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
