i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
