You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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