pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize