i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
