seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
