Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
