i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
