Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
