So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize