From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
