Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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