Whod you bang
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
