Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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