I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
