What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
