Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize