I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there is puke in my bra ... again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
