it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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