took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
